A MOMENT WITH MIKE: The R/C diet plan

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Mike Garrison

0 June 27, 2018, 8:22 a.m.

By Mike Garrison
LiveRC.com

A Moment with Mike is a weekly opinion column where LiveRC’s Mike Garrison gives his take on hot-button issues, general topics, and conversations within the RC industry. The views and opinions expressed in this article do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of LiveRC.

Being from the rural Midwest, there aren't too many things more exciting than the grand opening of a new Wal-Mart. A new state of the art Wal-Mart JUST opened outside my little hometown, and we have spent more than our fair share of time celebrating by visiting the new attraction 2-3 times per week. During our latest visit I discovered that just beside aisle 14 is a bench seat that allows you to check your blood pressure, your heart rate, your vision, your hearing, and your weight. Finding a scale big enough for a wheelchair in a small town is not an easy task, and it has been awhile since I visited the local vet to borrow his horse scale to weigh in. 

When I found this magical machine within the Wal-Mart, I was anxious to hop out of my chair and into the seat for a full self-health analysis. My blood pressure was good, my heart rate was a little high (probably the excitement of being in Wal-Mart), my vision is still terrible, my hearing works but my listening function does not (ask my wife), and my weight was…TERRIBLE. According to this contraption I had gained almost 40lbs since last time I weighed in by dangling on the horse scale in town. I checked and double checked the accuracy of the scale, and after an hour of working with a Wal-Mart associate, the nice lady kindly informed me that there was no problem with the new scale – I was just fat. 

I left the store in disbelief. How could this have happened? All this time I thought my wheelchair tires were just low on air, when in fact they are fully inflated and only look flat with such a heavy load on them. I left Wal-Mart and headed straight for the track for some much-needed therapy. As I unloaded all my stuff and began setting up my pit space, I took the body off my car to charge it. As the body came off, it was at that point I realized what the problem was.

Stuffed under the body I found a half-eaten tray of Oreos.

Ladies and gentlemen, when you begin hiding and saving snacks and candy by stuffing it into the chassis of a remote-control car from one week to the next, it is time to admit you have problem.

I will admit that I spend most race days surviving on Oreos, Chips Ahoy, Oatmeal Cookies, Hostess Cupcakes, Twix Bars, Skittles, Gummy Bears, Sour Patch Kids (only the red ones), all flavors of Doritos, those little pretzel bites filled with peanut butter, and numerous other vending machine treats.

With that being said, it’s time to get in shape. No more hiding cookies or candy in my 1/8-scale buggy. From this day forward, I am beginning a new lifestyle of eating healthy. 

There is special diet and meal plans out there for all types of athletes ranging from football players to professional cyclists, but none designed for R/C car racers. I don’t know much about the human body, but I have decided it can't be all that different from an R/C car. I have decided to use my common knowledge of R/C car racing mechanics to create my own diet plan, and turn my life around:

- Breakfast – Chocolate Double Stuffed Glazed Donut

When you first get to the track you must charge your car before hitting the track. To charge your body I’m thinking a glazed donut will do the trick to get the day started, and the double stuffed chocolate filling will be like charging your batteries at a higher amp rate – it heats things up, gives you more punch, and gets the job done quicker.

- Lunch – High Quality Concession Stand Cheeseburger with Extra Cheese

Keeping your R/C car moving freely is key. To achieve this, it’s important to lubricate the moving parts and bearings with a high-quality oil. The high-quality concession stand cheeseburger with extra cheese will act as a lubricant and is sure to keep your body moving freely and working efficiently all day long.

- Afternoon Snack - Cherry Slushie

It's important to keep your car and your electronics, motor, and nitro engines cool on hot summer days. It's also important to keep yourself cool on hot summer days. A cherry slushie from the nearby gas station will act as the ESC fan for your body, cooling temperatures down in the afternoon heat.

- Dinner – Fried Chicken and Mashed Potatoes

When the race day is over electric racers discharge their batteries, and nitro racers put a drop or two of after-run oil in their engines before putting the cars on the shelf. You too deserve to discharge, and the combination of delicious fried chicken and mashed potatoes will allow you to unwind, and properly prepare yourself for storage and hibernation until the next race day.

I am fairly certain that I am on the right track with my R/C diet plan, and I am determined to stick with it. No longer will I send the local Wal-Mart scale into shock, as I am getting healthy – one concession stand cheeseburger at a time...