Moment with Mike: Doctors and their fancy words

0 March 18, 2013, 7:04 a.m.

Main Photo: Moment with Mike: Doctors and their fancy words

3/18/2013

By Mike Garrison
LiveRC.com

I think most of us would agree that at some point or another we have been the the doctor's office, heard the doctor use enormous words in which we know nothing about, and pretended to understand and agree with. Usually these words are just some fancy name for something simple.

For instance when a doctor says, "I'd like to get a draw using a butterfly on that..." A normal person would take that as he wants to draw a picture of whatever he is looking at, and incorporate a butterfly somewhere in the picture too. In reality, he means he wants to stick you with a needle, suck out your blood, and use the words "draw" and "butterfly" to make it less traumatic.

Needless to say, I made my way to the doctor last week for a yearly check-up. Pretty routine procedure, you roll in, chat for a bit, take your temp and blood pressure, and call it good. I like my doctor, he is very simple and never gets too in-depth with any sort of check up.

So I roll into my little room, pick up the latest edition of "People Magazine", read about celebrities getting fat hating life after only receiving $128 million for their last movie, and wait for the for the doc. The door opens and it is NOT my usual doctor. Instead this is a fresh from med school, extra big word speaking, wise guy. We take my temp and blood pressure, skipping the enjoyable chat session I am used too, and I am guessing we are done and I can leave. WRONG. This guy starts talking using words that I am 99.9% sure he is making up as he goes, as I sit nodding and agreeing as if I understand what he's saying. He shows me these diagrams of who knows what, continues talking, and eventually has me sign some papers and says I can leave.

As I'm headed out the door he says, "Your colonoscopy is scheduled for Tuesday, don't forget." I don't have a clue what he's talking about or what a colonoscopy is, so I'm assuming it's another fancy name for "were going to take more of your blood." So I say, "Will the lab lady do that here?" He gives me a slightly puzzled look, and tells me that it will be done at the area hospital. Immediately I realize this is going to be a pain because now I will have to take time off work, drive all the way across town, just to get my blood taken.

I get back to work, and tell Brandon (my boss) that it looks like I'll have to take some time Tuesday off work because I'm having a colonoscopy. He says, "Oh bummer man, that sucks. Yeah take the whole day off no problem." That's right, my boss gave me the whole day off work just to get my blood taken. What a stand up guy!

Over the weekend I don't think much about it, and today I am trying to get things sorted out for my day off tomorrow. I'm figuring I'll go get my blood taken in the morning and just relax the rest of the day. Maybe play some video games, watch the latest episodes of Family Guy, maybe even go fishing for a bit with the nice weather.

This morning I get settled in at my office and I decide for who knows what reason to Google search the word "colonoscopy". Upon clicking "Search" my screen is bombarded with AWFUL images and HORRIFIC details, and immediately I realize I must have typed it wrong. I type it out again, and the SAME exact pictures and words haunt my screen.

LiveRC viewers, IF your doctor EVER uses the word colonoscopy, DO NOT...I repeat DO NOT assume he is referring to something simple like taking blood, DO NOT EVER Google search the word, and DO NOT plan a day of relaxation, video games, and fishing.

Instead, prepare for the worst Tuesday of your life...